Relationships Pt. 3
This part of relationships was a part that I had to allow God to heal me so that I could function properly. I had been hurt throughout most of my life by people who didn’t know how much they truly affected me. As a young girl, I, like so many other girls, struggled with body image and self esteem. I was always the heavy girl. I had plenty of people to remind me of that fact, especially when I started to feel the least bit more confident, or comfortable with my own skin. They would remind me that I was not quite as pretty, skinny, popular, or accepted as I wanted to be.
This all translated to low self esteem. I hid, but not like most kids. I hid behind a mask of fake confidence. I would force myself to be the outgoing, happy, ‘extreme’ girl, that I thought people wanted to see. The friends I acquired were a lot like me. We took everything to the Nth degree. Not all of it was bad but it was a comfortable place to hide. NOW, you can look at this and say, what does that have to do with a relationship?
I was so desperate to earn acceptance. I would go to that extra level thinking I had to work so hard and then I would earn the love I craved. If I give, give, give, I might be good enough for someone to hug me, kiss me, touch me, share their love with me, and intimacy would be there too! WRONG! What really happened was I was working for nothing. I would give but I didn’t know how to receive. I was so busy at working to earn that love, that I didn’t accept it when it was given, even in small amounts. I didn't see myself as 'good enough' for a healthy relationship. I didn't think I was special enough to have the best. I thought I was in the zero column and so anything I got at all was a blessing cause I didn't deserve it. You know how sometimes people are catagorized by numbers? The models out there are a '10'. Right? Well, I saw me as a zero. So I took anything that came along and gave them everything I had, emotionally. I clung to everyone and would sometimes suffocate the relationship. It took many relationships and a fall (flat on my face) for me to be open to what God was showing me.
So, the piece of wisdom that I leave you today, I pray you take it and allow it to sink in and then allow God to speak to you through it.
God had to show me that not only was I acceptable in His sight, but I was also worthy to receive love. That was a weird truth to me. I am worthy to receive love! The problem was not that I had to work harder, but that I had to simply allow myself to be loved.
When I met my husband, Joe, God used him to show me that I can be loved just as much as I love. God opened my eyes to the standard that I should have held in my life all along. I am worth more and am worthy of love!
The concept is all a matter of value…price. How God showed me is that before I became His, I was like Iron. I was raw, and not worth much. However, there was untapped potential. Five pounds of Iron as scrap is worth about $4.50 at the recycling center. The same metal, melted and molded into 5 pounds of finishing nails is worth about $10 - $15 at Wal-mart or Lowes. The same 5 pounds of metal could even be put in fire and hardened to stainless steel and molded into 5 hammer heads for hammers which are worth about $30 each. However, the same metal that would be useless scrap, if it is tempered, molded thinly, stamped out, sharpened and grinded down, and assembled for use can become a stainless steel, surgical scalpel… priceless in the hands of a skilled physician. See, our worth does not lie in what others see. If we can allow God's love in, then we can achieve 'priceless' status!
I can imagine the woman in Luke 7, who anointed the feet of Jesus and dried them with her hair, didn’t feel like she deserved love. But, when Jesus looked into her eyes and showed her love, she knew she could receive it and did! Despite what the men around her were saying about her, despite being used and abused and thinking that she didn't deserve more than the empty relations she got from the men on the street. She was able to embrace Jesus and accept her peace!
When God comes to the secret place with you, accept it. Don’t run from it!
I know sometimes we feel like what we have is all we are worth but Jesus wants you to know that YOU are worth more.
I challenge you to allow yourself to be loved by Him! He already paid such a high price for you, so don’t sell yourself for less! You are a daughter/son of the King of kings. You are worthy of love. AND if you’re not sure what love is, check out 1 Corinthians 13. God showed us what love is supposed to look like.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)
4Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
5Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
6Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
7Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.