Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Mending the Broken Heart

The pain of offence is oh so deep when it is a friend who has caused the betrayal.  Whether it was through stabbing words or heartbreaking actions, the pain can be debilitating.  What can make matters worse is when the hurt originates from the church family members on whom we rely and trust. 
I have personally experienced such hurt many times and each time has been more and more painful.  It seems the more I trusted the person, the deeper the betrayal was felt.  It was to the point that I became angry with the institution of church altogether.  I did not blame God, nor was I angry at Him.  I was, however, angry at the people who hurt me as well as the leadership surrounding that person for allowing it to happen.  I had made up my mind that I didn’t want to step foot into another leadership position again, unless it was on my terms. 
After the church, where this offence occurred, dissolved and disbanded, I and my family began attending the church I spend the majority of my youth.  I didn’t want to join or become members.  I simply wanted to sit and be ministered to.  This was something God had showed us through prayer.  After a serious injury, it is good, and necessary, to take time to heal and allow God to do a work in you.  The series of injuries, broken promises, and betrayals left us defensive and apprehensive of getting involved in another church.  We were leery of leadership of any kind, questioning their motives.
As the pain set in and the doubt of “church” began to be confirmed in other churches we visited, we started to deepen our search for God’s will.  We knew God had called us to ministry, but how does one work in ministry without being able to trust anyone around them?  I remember asking God, “God, I know you want us to be connected but nothing fits.  I’m scared to step into another church with unhealthy leadership.  I know you did not call us to start yet another church in this ‘city of churches’ because that is how this city became overran with churches containing sickly leadership.  God show us your will for our lives.” 
Without clear direction, we decided not to move an inch.  We stood.  Pray and stand.  Stand and pray.  In October, I felt God calling me to a fast.  I knew something had to break in the spirit and I wanted to hear from God.  So, through a fast, I began to petition God.  It was difficult and satan began to attack my body and my mind.  I was emotional and struggled to take every thought captive.  However, this week was the breakthrough. 

December 1st.  5 o’clock in the morning, I was restless and could not sleep.  My mind felt like there were 20 TVs all playing at once on different channels.  I woke up in a sweat and came downstairs to pray.  This is the day of the 7:14, Flash Mob Prayer Event around the world.  The day that 53 cities around the world were coming together to pray in unity.  As I sat in a quiet house, all three of my children and my husband fast asleep, I began to pray.  As I transitioned to prayer in the spirit, I felt my spirit breaking.
This is what God showed me.
*Matthew 5:43-48  (See below for the full scripture)
God’s revelation was this:
“When you are angry at someone, you think you are hurting them by withholding intercession (prayer) for them.  In reality, you are hurting yourself.
In your Pity Party, the only thing you have accomplished is celebrating your pain, your victimization, and your unforgiveness.  This is a party that satan will crash and expand into a block party if you allow him to.  It is dismal and miserable and only causes distraction and division within the body of Christ.  What I have called you to is to pray for and over your enemies.  I have called you to cover them!” 
Then God showed me this:  “Would you not rescue a child from an oncoming bus?  What if it was your child?  Would you not call out for someone to save them if you could not reach them in time to rescue them from destruction?  Why are you not calling out for My child to be saved from destruction?  Why are you withholding them from mercy and grace before My throne?”

As God broke my heart for these people, the bitterness and hurt melted off and God began to show me how I should pray for them by showing me what He wanted to do.  I called out their names, pleading God to spare them and show them grace, drawing them to repentance by His Spirit! 

Then He revealed this:
“As you begin to intercede, you begin to celebrate your freedom from the chains of unforgiveness.  You are free to live without pain and without bondage to the people who hurt you and left you for wounded.  You are free to move in the Spirit, blessing others as God blesses you!  Above all, you are free to seek His Kingdom and Righteousness instead of His vengeance!” 
As I wept, repenting for all the times I sought His vengeance instead of His Kingdom, I opened my heart to allow God to fill the empty wounds with His spirit… And He did!  I was refreshed and renewed to get back to work in His will!
Today I challenge each person who reads this to allow God to heal you by breaking your heart for the people who have wounded it!  I promise, when you do you will find a release like no other and a joy that no one can take away as well as a peace that passes anyone’s understanding!
I pray that you are blessed during this Holiday Season and that we never forget the reason we live, move, and have our being!
God bless the readers, hearers, and Doers of His word!

Matt. 5:43-48 (TMSG)
43“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ 44I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, 45for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. 46If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. 47If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
48“In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.